Today was a rough one. I haven’t posted in a while because I haven’t had time to continue my journey to simple. Life continues on intruding in my plans and today was just like any other day in my life and I hit the breaking point.
It started off like any other Monday, I had spread myself too thin again and i was mad from the go. After my son got on the bus, I laid on the couch and went back to sleep, which I do way too often, and I know the consequence is I wake up MORE tired than the first time I woke up and then I am rushing around. Well, this time was no different and I had a consult for my laser hair removal that Kev gave me for Mother’s Day. My little man’s end of the year party was RIGHT after that and I didn’t want to be late. Well, I of course left with no minutes to spare and got there about 3 min late but the building was poorly numbered and I couldn’t find the suite number. So after 8 minutes of walking in circles I realized I had passed the office 4 times and kept walking right past it!!! (Of. Course). This is where my day took a turn and it all went down hill from there. I apologized for being 10 min late and they said they would be right with me. My appointment was at 12:10, is at down at 12:19. I was scheduled till 12:30 and I was hoping I would be out right at my ending time since G’s awards ceremony was at 1 and in was exactly 30 min away from the school. Well, at 12:30 I got up and asked if I could reschedule (what. A. Beeotch! I was late, and now I’m demanding to be seen) but they said they were going to be right with me. So at 12:40 I went back for a 5 min appointment. I RAN out of the building, and I SPED to the school, I got there right at the end of the awards and missed my little man get his AR reading award and ‘imagination’ award, but I got to see the slide show. My punctual hubby was there to represent (as always).
So I exhaled and went to lunch with my family and it was great. My little man said he would help at the salon so I could finish early and we could all go to the pool since they have been asking to do so since it opened 2 weeks ago. So, off to the salon we go to count inventory and finish upmsome work for a big software move that is happening tomorrow. I get there and my G impressed me with his skills. He was such a little man, counting inventory at his mom’s salon! Then it all started up again, it was taking me way longer to input info than I thought it would, then the Internet shut down on the computer, then Windstream was absolutely no help, the person from our software went home for the day, so I was screwed. I was losing control over everything around me and I just wanted to finish so my kids didn’t have a broken promise. They were losing patience and I couldn’t blame them. I had lost all patience. I was so frustrated I wanted to cry. I was mad because something was should have taken two hours was turning into 5. My best friend and I own a really busy salon and I am so blessed for that, so the Internet being down is catastrophic, specially on a Tuesday morning. I spent an hour on hold with the Internet provider to no avail. I finally called my hubby and asked If he would meet me so he could take the kids and I could concentrate.
Jess was there helping too, so I left her there.. Griping at the kids to hurry, as we are walking out my 4 yr old drops my ipad and cracks the screen. GGGRRRRRRRR AHHHHHHHH!!!!!! REALLY!?
My precious birthday present, that I managed not to drop since March!! One thing after the next all afternoon. I dropped the kids off, and hubby and kids were off to the pool. I cried all the way back to the salon, watching them leave again, to have family time while I work really got to me today. Took a deep breath and told myself to “change it” (attitude). I tell my kids all the time, ‘change it’, I tell Kev to ‘change it’, I tell my staff to ‘change it’. How is it that I allow myself to spiral into a day of negativity, raging madness, having a pity party all day?
Jess’ husband calmly helped us fix the Internet and we finished inputting the data. We got everything ready for the move tomorrow, I was feeling better, and then I went to open the new software and I got an error that says “this program is corrupt and cannot be opened”. AWESOME. Jess says “walk away!” So I do.
I got in the car and just drove home in silence. I tried to turn the radio up and the Dj at that moment says he’s praying for the families in Oklahoma who have been affected by the tornadoes that ripped through there today and then it hit me like a punch in the throat. GET OVER YOURSELF!
People were left without a home today, no food, lost loved ones!
What the heck is wrong with me!?! I am mad because the Internet is down at my incredibly successful, beautiful, exactly what I dreamed of salon that I own with my BEST friend; I’m mad because I was late to my perfectly healthy, incredibly bright sons party, I’m mad because I sat and waited for an appointment I was late to? Who cares. No one. Not even me anymore.
Wow, thanks for that Father. Heard ya, loud and clear.
I learned a few things today, and I think it applies to the change I am trying to make… I run behind at the salon and I know that people get annoyed, but I had never been on the other side of it. I disrespect my clients when I run behind and I don’t even think for a second that they may be stressed out about having to be somewhere right after they leave me. I am going to work on this. It’s part of my being ADD that I have absolutely no concept of time.
Having no concept of time ties into me spreading my self too thin. I have to learn time management, and priorities. Lastly, I have to learn perspective. I know that these ‘problems’ I encounter are a big deal to me, but they are things that can be fixed with patience. I am incredibly blessed daily. I know moms who are out there who’s kids are really sick, and they hurt every minute of they day with heart ache for their babies. I know women out there who have NO support from their spouse and deal with everything on their own. Business owners who’s hard work, sweat and tears are failing because of the economy.
I pray that I never have to know those pains. I am sorry for the rage I felt today. It was selfish and childish. I am grateful for having the moment of realization where I felt stupid for having freaked out over these things. I tell my kids constantly that things are just THINGS and then I freaked out over a cracked screen on a THING. It sucks yea, but I’m posting this from that cracked screen and it worked just fine.
My baby boy cooked dinner tonight ( with a little help ). He made my chili that I thought him to make and it was delicious. My house was clean (thanks to my amazing cleaning lady) and it smelled incredible.
I am blessed and my life will be simple, I know I will get there! I think days like today make me want to live my best life even more that before and give me a push to get back on the saddle. Tomorrow will be a great day!
I drove home the long way to go on this road that always calms my spirit, and it did… I love this road.